No One Taught Us This
by RainbowSheltie
Summary: The Hitachiin brothers always put on an 'act' since childhood. It was needed to survied the bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act? Can it really continue past the Host Club doors? HikaxKao
1. Kaoru's Introduction

**Title**: No One Taught Us This  
**Chapter 1**: Kaoru's Introduction

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

**+ Kaoru's Introduction +**

_I remember when the world was divided between 'us' and 'not us'. It was easy then, and… maybe, lonely. Just 'us'; no friends or feelings that didn't quite reach anyone else near 'us'. _

Kaoru Hitachiin, first year, class 1-A. The younger one of the Hitachiin brothers. _If I have to say, I'm probably calmer, more sensible and mature then my older twin. At least, that's what Haruhi tells me._

Haruhi Fujioka: same class, same year, also in the Host Club to pay off an 80,000,000 yen debt. Notes of interest: a female posing as a male, in order to work in the Host Club successfully.

_Haruhi was the first to disrupt our world. She became the first person to ever have been able to tell us apart so completely and honestly. I didn't like her at first, but she has opened us up to many more things that the world holds in store – like personal relationships with other people, friendships, new experiences. Our world is becoming 'their world' with us living in it. _

_I don't regret what she did for us. In fact, she's even opening up my twin brother, Hikaru, to what 'love' really is._

_Sure, we put on a 'brotherly love' act – but that's just it, an act. An act created for the host club to bring in customers and revenue. We've been together so long that we never had a chance to see what 'love' really meant. All that was important back then had been satisfying our boredom. _

_Well, okay, that part hasn't changed. Not yet. However… I wonder how much longer we can keep up that act. What if he truly falls for Haruhi? Maybe… maybe he already has. It could be that I'm blind to his true feelings however… I think he just doesn't understand yet what his feelings towards Haruri truly mean. _

_I like having more friends, its fun. It's a really, really great feeling. It's something new introduced to our small, private world. I want Hikaru to grow up; to become more mature like Haruhi and I know he can be. _

_It happened during another one of the Host Clubs trips in which I push Hikaru just a little bit out the door, no matter how much I wanted him closer – I know that kids have to grow up sometime. I set Hikaru up on a date with Haruhi and they became closer because of it. Those feelings he gained from that time, the introduction of that new thing: a personal relationship with someone who's not his brother. This shined like a beacon to me afterwards. My brothers eyes betray his inter most feelings. He can't hide anything from me – his eyes, his expressions I know all too well in this case. The small glances he took towards Haruhi when he thinks she isn't looking, the expression upon his face when she grins at him with some award comment. Something is happening to him._

_I think it's great though - we both do – in that we finally found someone who we can talk to. Someone we know who never mixes us up. I know how similar our personalities can get when we are together – we act the same, think the same and talk at the same time. It takes someone special to recognize the subtle differences. It takes someone like Haruhi to see who we really are. Even to see through us, if we let her._

_You can always catch me glancing at Hikaru when he isn't looking though. I can't help it. Am I jealous? Is my true motive to be closer to Haruhi, as I am jealous of my brother? What is it I'm feeling... How does Hikaru's time spent with Haruhi, which is increasing as of late, make me… feel…_

_As it is, I've learned that maturity has almost nothing to do with the ability to perceive what lies amidst another's private thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong – I'm not talking about the superficial feelings that come and go like the rise and fall of the tide. I'm talking about the inner most, can't-lie truthful feelings that show ones true nature. I think I might have deliberated upon this subject more then once. It comes to me that I'm just not observant, or rather impartial enough to know in the case regarding my twin brother and our mutual friend, Haruhi._

_I feel like my brother is drifting further and further apart from me. I… I hate that feeling. Somewhere deep, somewhere private I have only one real secret wish. I want Hikaru to stand beside me forever. As my brother and identical twin; being able to joke, laugh and share all the new experiences and scenes that will befall us upon our lives. All the way into the far, far future do I want to stay together with just him. Kaoru and Hikaru, inseperable and dedicated, supportive. Hikaru and Kaoru, plus all the friends we can make along the way._

_And as much as I don't want to admit it: Hikaru and Haruhi, plus Kaoru is a far cry from what I think my heart yearns for._

_Tamaki was right when he said that you should follow the personality that comes naturally to you. Be who you were meant to be. After all, living happily isn't something you can do when your daily life consists of hiding from and suppressing your true feelings. Your trueself._

_Do I 'love' Hikaru? I don't know. Get back to me when I find out what the true meaning of that word is and I'll let you know. When you've lived a life in a small, two person world things like that don't matter as much. You have that person, no one else matters. Nothing else matters but 'our' world and how we live in it. People who are not 'us' are just invaders and nothing more. They live in our world._

_Now we are finally beginning to understand that maybe, just maybe, 'our world' was never 'ours' to begin with. What else lies beyond our created outlook on life? It's a dark adventure and a scary one to boot. Our small view is beginning to include what the meanings of relationships are and how they work with everything else. What exactly is 'our' place here? Who are we to one another?_

_All I know is: I want to be with Hikaru forever. I'm just… not sure on HOW I want to be with him. As brothers? Or… could it possibly be… as lovers?_

**+Continue...+**


	2. When I First Met You

**Title**: No One Taught Us This  
**Chapter 2**: When I First Met You

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

**+ When I first met you… +**

A typical day at Ouran High School Host Club: Tamaki charms the girls to no end (the number one attraction), the Hitachiin brothers put on an act to stun them (second attraction), followed by (in no order) Haruhi's 'natural charm' act, the ever sugary and talkative Honey and oppositely silent Mori. It's Kyoya who's always on the sidelines, basically controlling everything (money wise, anyways).

In regards to the 'brothers love' act: anyone who knows the basics of both acting and improv combined with years of training and perfecting might see how easy it is to just 'fall' into the performance. A slight wound caused by hot water, a comment made that might doubt the others commitment or even an act of either random or thoughtfully planned out act of possessiveness. It's simple when you've had an entire life dedicated towards perfecting the act with your most trusted and only partner.

To Kaoru and Hikaru, the so passionately acted out scenes were just that – a perfected act that had begun long ago out of pure, selfish boredom. Everything about them started so long ago; although they told the story so many times about how they began their 'act' the truth was that neither remembered as crystal as they had made it out to be. What was true however, had been the fact that they stuck to one story which though careful deliberation and planning had seemed to be as close to the real event as could get.

Kaoru's thoughts happened to run towards that particular story after the Host Club duties were over. Or, more precisely, the effects of which the story produced. He sat at one of the many Victorian styled tea tables; staring out of the window which overlooked a section of the main court yard. _What had happened was close enough, I guess. I wonder, though, how long we can continue an act like that. It's the real world that demands so much more then just a simple con. Will we have to upgrade our performance or… will it just break apart? As we go onto our… separate ways…_

"Come on, Haruhi! I want to show you this great new thing I've found." Hikaru's voice broke though Kaoru's thoughts. "It's great, I swear!"

Kaoru looked over towards his brother. He pulled Haruhi by the arm towards the main entryway. His face seemed to show a pure sort of playful amusement but Kaoru didn't trust it for one second. He was hiding something.

And Kaoru had been left out completely.

"Oh… Okay…" Haruhi's particular reply wasn't quite enthusiastic and her second sense told her that Hikaru was up to something more then just 'showing her something'. It didn't really seem like a bad thing, though. She really didn't have much time to say anymore – at least, not within ear shot of Kaoru. Both disappeared from the room only seconds later.

A lonesome sigh sounded softly, heard then by just one other person. Tamaki slid into the chair across from Kaoru. He looked at the other person for just a second, before turning his own attention towards the window. "Your popularity hasn't died down but I can see that your attention lies elsewhere in regards to your brother. I've known you two a while, though that could be a relative term. Either way, you two seem to be falling apart outside of the Host Club." He paused, "It comes to mind... what will happen if your brother ends up falling for someone else? What are you going to do if he finds another person he wants to spend his time with?"

"His happiness is my only concern." His reply seemed strangely devoid of emotion. "If this is how it's going to be-"

"But is that okay with you?" Tamaki's voice was sincere yet straightforward. As usual, when his change from the more normal, hyperactive voice came it meant Tamaki was showing his serious side. It's this side of him that takes full advantage of his true potential as number one in his class. "Is that _really_ okay with you? I didn't take you for the type to just 'sit back' when something or some_one_ comes between you and your brother. What happened to your childish possessiveness?" Tamaki might have been trying to bait Kaoru, or an honest question. The answer, Tamaki knew, would tell him exactly what Kaoru was thinking. At least he hoped it would.

Kaoru didn't know when but his gaze had somehow shifted from the courtyard to Tamaki's piercing blue stare. He was right, of course, but… this time it's different. It has to be. "I love him, I think. I also love Haruhi. I… I can't tell the different between the two. I don't know who to look at, who to ask for help anymore. What I should do." He shifted slightly in his chair. It was uncomfortable telling another such a personal confession so openly (and directly). "I'm not as experienced as everyone else, Tamaki. I'm lost in this new world, or rather, a small part of a world outside our own."

A silence came from across the table. Kaoru continued, his voice the flat monotone of an 'of course you should know this' tone. "Yes, I'm well aware of our standing. And I'm aware of what the others, at least, in the Host Club truly think of us. This world we live in now is from our own doing but I don't know much more then that. I can't hold back Hikaru because of our own created upbringing."

Tamaki gave a laugh; however it had been one of pure sympathy. Devoid of any negative emotions one might associate with a sudden burst of emotion such as that. He stood up. Tamaki realized that Kaoru knew his own maturity was one of the issues in question. "Then I guess you don't need my advice. I had some for you – but I don't feel it would do you any good." Tamaki stood up, moving to rest his hand upon Kaoru's shoulder. "I'll just say this: No one can tell you what love means but your own self. If you truly love someone, you'll know it; but only if you chase after the true meaning."

A small smile escaped his lips before a mad rush towards Haruhi's direction. "Ha-ru-hiiiiii! Wait for papa!!" And a rush of tears to accompany his being 'left behind'.

The younger twin couldn't help but laugh. _He doesn't need that routine anymore. He knows… he has to. The experienced can only give advice to the student in that subject. Tamaki knows more about love then any of us. Even if his 'created family' routine says otherwise. Is it… just a ploy by his 'true self'? I wonder…_

_Does he know his own feelings towards Haruhi? … Could he?_

Kaoru had to thank the day people started using expensive cars and drivers instead of the lowly horse and car. The way home would have definitely been a long walk were he to not have the convenience of one of the many cars and chauffeurs to drive him home. He stared outside the window; watching as the various buildings and common folk were walking towards their unknown destinations. Window looking was something, he knew, he was doing too much of lately. His brother seemed to disappear on him more often then not – which caused a definite kink in their 'kick the boredom with something interesting' routines.

Kaoru took a quick glance at Hikaru before shifting his gaze – and thoughts – back towards his own dilemmas.

Hikaru sat beside him, though his gaze happened to be elsewhere but the window. His brother had been acting stranger then usual lately and his first instinct had been to find out the source of the problem. They grew up together, formed an inseparable bond. He wanted to know what was wrong. "Kaoru? Tell me what's wrong. You can't hide from me. You know I know you all to well for that kind of play."

_But that's always it, right, Hikaru?_ Kaoru's thoughts were sharp and unrelenting. _Everything is just a 'play' or 'act' to you. Nothing is ever real. Just like how Haruhi is the first 'real' act you've ever dared to put on for the public. _

Hikaru's voice was truthful and straight to the point. "Kaoru. What is it? Tell me!"

Hikaru Hitachiin, first year, class 1-A. The older of the Hitachiin brothers. Voices his opinion (be it evil or otherwise) with more frequency then his younger brother, Kaoru; also has an unknown relationship with Haruhi.

_He wouldn't understand._ Kaoru thought sharply. _How could he understand my feelings when I don't even understand them. I… don't think he's mature enough to accept this… this... jealously? Towards him and-_

"Kaoru, tell me your all right! Talk to me, please!" Hikaru's hand shook his brother's shoulder gently. "You…" He tripped over his words, highly unusual for the normally smooth talking Hikaru. "You… don't seem like yourself. I'm worried. You know this."

"It's because… I'm not, I guess." He shrugged, keeping his eye contact turned back towards the scenery outside the darkened window. _I want to tell you everything like we used to, but I fear – no, I know this will be too much this time. My feelings might… _he wanted to cry. _Might tear us apart, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Hikaru…_

"Kaoru…" This time, his voice had a highlighted sadden tone to it. Hikaru laid his head gently upon Kaoru's shoulder. "Is it really so bad that you can't tell your own brother? You know I love you."

Kaoru became angered at his own twin's sudden act of kindness. _Love? _He pushed him off; it didn't hurt, but it was more the action that had left an impression. Hikaru could only stare as his brother's face flared in anger. Kaoru's voice seemed to match perfectly with his current emotions. "We aren't in the public's eye, Hikaru! You don't have to pull that kind of crap when we are alone like this! That act – you know it stays outside. Don't talk to me like you know what 'love' is."

Hikaru pulled away from Kaoru. He moved like a dog beaten with a stick by its master. "I'm sorry. I- I should have known, I'm sorry." He looked the other way. "I won't try it again."

Kaoru laughed unexpectedly amidst the silence; his gaze towards his brother unrelenting yet slowly, slowly but surely releasing its grip. "Maybe this time you'll mean it. Maybe we can both grow up a little now."

This had to have been one of the longest car rides in the history of Kaoru's life. His anger was, whether his brother had sensed it or not, unfounded. It was sudden, uncalled for and not what he truly meant. He never meant to push Hikaru away like this.

Kaoru suddenly felt like he wanted to cry. If only Hikaru could see his true pain, the one underneath his disguise. _I want him to know… and yet…_

"Kaoru! Wait! Please!" Hikaru ran closely behind Kaoru. His voice pleaded, upset as much as he could get without physically showing his sadness. He didn't know how long but Hikaru had been running after him for at least a decent twenty minutes now. So far in fact that it led them to the forested area of the main mansion; the two ran among the thick, forested undergrowth similar to that of a tropical rain forest. Whatever had been upon Kaoru's mind left the younger twin to literally bolt out of the car the moment it stopped in front of the entryway to the huge mansion.

A typical ran forest: thick trees, rocks, grass, plants/shrubs, birds, moss and small animals – with an occasional rainy day or two. The Hitachiin twins knew almost unconsciously their way around the entire property like the back of their hand; or would have, if this part of the forest hadn't been recently renovated. As neither had had the chance lately to go exploring this new terrain, both were running blindly.

Kaoru ran franticly amidst the darkened surroundings. The thick overgrowth of the forest caused the sun to be blocked out almost completely. His body was getting scrapped and torn by the passing branches, thorn bushes (probably some sort of new hybrid rose plant) and even the trees themselves when he passed close enough that it would snag his clothing and tear skin.

He felt more lost then ever now. He could barely see his own way in front of him, more so now due to the rising of a mysterious black fog. His own brother tried to get close to him and his only response had been to flip out completely. Utterly and truly completely; this, of course, had promptly caused even more of an embarrassment for him. He shut his eyes tightly, screaming for the tears to stop coming to the surface and forcing his own body to stop reaching out for the other, to keep running away. He has to keep running faster; faster, in order to keep everything else at bay. He didn't want to think about this. Maybe if he ran far enough his problems might… might just forget about themselves for a while.

His bolt out of the car earlier caused his own hysteria to show itself. Run, run though the trees, though the forest, get to a place where you can cry alone and with no one to see your pain. No one must see any pain.

"Stop." Hikaru's voice sounded out a command, with a sudden and slightly even surprising backing of strength and domination.

Kaoru cursed his own nature for even momentarily pausing his frantic running at the command of his own brother's voice. Just one word had stopped his body long enough for Hikaru to reach Kaoru.

"Stop, please." Hikaru reached his arms around Kaoru's shoulders, an action all too familiar to both of them. He leaned his head against the side of the others, whispering into Kaoru's ear. "Tell me what's wrong, Kaoru. Why do I upset you now? What is it I have done to you?"

Kaoru could only turn around in Hikaru's arms. No words, no matter how much he tried, would force themselves to come out. He faced his brother, a frantic gaze staring into the calm, centered one. Kaoru couldn't help it now when his tears started falling down his face. He couldn't stop crying now. He hated his brother for being so close to Haruhi and yet, at the same time, it was that closeness between the two that made him glad. His head rested against his brothers chest, nestled next to the strong, familiar neck beside him.

Hikaru's hand reached up upon Kaoru's head, brushing gently through his hair. "Its okay, Kaoru, its okay. I promise." He leaned his head gently upon his brothers. "I'm right here now."

A downpour of rain started to flood the trees and yet nothing changed. Hikaru and Kaoru stood together, amidst the rain, soaking now yet unwilling to part. Hikaru knew his brother needed him and Kaoru's concerns had lied elsewhere. "I'm willing to stand by you, Kaoru. Raining or not, I won't move from this spot until you tell me otherwise. I told you I loved you."

For just that instant, Kaoru allowed himself to think that, no matter who he might truly 'love', Hikaru's attention would be purely upon him now. Not Haruhi, not the girls at the host club – just him, Kaoru. _Just hold me, Hikaru. Hold me, and… feel the words I want to say. I'm sorry. _

_I'm sorry._ He thought again. _For everything._

"I'm sorry," He let the words escape his lips. _For everything._

**+Continue+**


	3. Breaking Apart

**Title**: No One Taught Us This...  
**Chapter 3**: Breaking Apart

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

"Sometimes, when you can't see any of the possible paths in front of you it can sometimes be best to just have faith and keep moving forward. And until you can see that path again just remember to keep moving forward. Eventually, I believe, a light will come your way to show the hidden path which has been dark for so long.

"It's that light you should keep searching for. It will guide your path."

**+ Breaking Apart +**

"I'm sorry," Kaoru let the words finally escape his lips. _For everything._

Hikaru just held his younger twin closer to his own body. His silence was steady but no words were needed between them. He probably could have sworn up and down he loved Kaoru, but even he knew, at least a little, of his own shortcomings. He had to find out what it meant first.

"Are you ready to go inside now? It's raining pretty hard, Kaoru." Hikaru looked up towards the sky though all he could really see was underbrush. It was still raining, though in all instances it probably should have been called a 'down pour' instead.

Kaoru didn't answer his brother.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru's voice hinted towards the worry that began to creep into his voice. His hand slid towards Kaoru's face, tilting it upwards. "Are you all-"

Hikaru's hand shook slightly as a pale realization crossed his face. Kaoru almost looked like a pale white sheet, eyes closed with an abnormally soft but quick breathing set. Hikaru stroked Kaoru's cheek for a moment. "What's happening to you…"

xxx

Kaoru walked along the garden which lay outside one of the outer courtyards of Ouran High. He still felt a chill after last night. Even he had to admit that his skin still held a slightly pale color though at the very least it seemed to be a pleasantly warm and sunny day. The whole weather event just might have been strange, for just having a downpour yesterday though seeing as how April weather didn't always stick to one set of outside conditions, he wasn't surprised.

He couldn't help but feel just a little out of sorts right now. Yesterday he had fainted in his brothers arms; waking up inside their shared room in the main mansion. The doctor said it had been a light case of hypothermia but he wasn't sure he believed it. Still, even if nothing like this had happened to him before something about the entire incident seemed… off. He couldn't just shrug off the feeling that this was somehow part of a bigger plan. His own instincts told him these events would get worse. He just didn't know how worse it would actually get.

Kaoru stared at his hands. _Paler then usual, but still working fine_. _Just yesterday I… When I was with Hikaru…_

"Ne, Kaoru-chan, are you okay?" Hunny's sweet voice filtered softly through the air. "I'm worried about you. You haven't seemed to have been yourself all day long." Hunny gently placed his hand in Kaoru's own. He flashed one of his best smiles, trying to cheer his friend up.

Kaoru gave his best smile in return even if it didn't quite feel right. Hunny and his bunny, Bun-bun, seemed to appricate the gesture though. "Thanks Hunny. It…" He stared back at his hand, making a fist. "It will be all right. Eventually. I- I promise."

Hunny stared at Kaoru, studying him; trying to read his features. Hunny's sigh had turned into a smile once more after a satisfied look crossed his face. "Of course it will, Kaoru-chan. I just know it will, too."

The long walk back to the Host Club's main room wasn't too bad. Hunny seemed to be in his usual high-spirits, which made Kaoru feel just a little bit better about everything that was happening to him. It wasn't long after they arrived at the front doors when Hunny had darted through them. It also didn't take long to realize the cause: Mori holding a small plate of strawberry cheese cake just for him. "We saved you a piece, Hunny!" Came Haruhi's slightly echoed voice. They sat across the other end of the room, towards the far set of windows.

Kaoru sighed, leaning his body against the wall just out of sight. _Another day. It's just another day, right?_ He could tell his own sense of self seemed similar to an unbalanced scale. Nothing would weigh correctly be it thoughts, actions or words. All this made him wonder: "Who would notice? What if he 'acted' normal? Would Haruhi notice? Or ever Hikaru? Joining a club meant you were excited or enjoyed to go, not dreading it before the club has even started for the day. Though Kaoru wanted to go join the others in their merriment he just knew _someone_ would suppect _something_ eventually and in the end, Kaoru would be the clubs 'new project'.

He hit his head lightly against the wall. His voice lay quite as he spoke, his thoughts speaking outloud for the sake of trying to make sense of his already jumbled mind. "They'll notice. I can't just act normal I… I don't know what to do… except –"

"Run away from us? From help? Kaoru." Hikaru's answer made Kaoru jump.

Before Kaoru could even move, he felt Hikaru's hand on his shoulder, the pressure pressing him hard against the wall. It felt painful, but nothing compared to the looking in his older twins face. It gave him the answer he needed, an answer he was never prepared to see. Hikaru, _upset_ over something and three guesses weren't need to know that it was probably his light case of Hypothermia last night.

Kaoru couldn't look at his brother. Any indication to look at him directly was misdirected by Kaoru himself. That face he made when he was angry or upset – he just couldn't face it right now. Hikaru leaned inwards, brushing his lips close to Kaoru's check, a slight blush growing upon the younger twin's features. Hikaru went to whisper in Kaoru's ear; choosing his words carefully, considering the man in front of him now probably wouldn't go anywhere else more private. "At least tell me what's wrong, Kaoru. I'm… worried about you.

Kaoru laughed. "About me?" His own voice matched Hikaru's, unwilling to let in unwanted listeners.

"How long have we known each other? How long are the hours we have spent together? All this and you still can't trust me right now, with your problems you face alone?"

Kaoru didn't answer. Hikaru frowned. He spoke, "We share everything, but only now you clam up? Hiding something? Is it… because of me? Or… Haruhi…"

To the (innocent) bystanders it would look like they were just whispering a private conversation. Though, to the fan girls, those twisted minds would come up with: "sharing a super-secret love conversation between two twins engaged in (forbidden) brotherly love".

"It's not-" Kaoru stopped himself, though unsure as to why. What _was_ he going to say? The more he though about it, the more he didn't know. Was his situation to blame, a person? Himself?

"I'm stronger then you think, Hikaru. I – I don't need your help! You know that…" It's the best defense he could come up with. Protection. Self defense by pushing others away. He needed some space to think, why didn't anyone get that? "Just…"

He could almost hear the resounding in Hikaru, even though he said no words. Kaoru avoided the topic, and both knew it; though neither really knew why. "It… scares me. How you've been acting lately." Hikaru pushed on, trying to get some reasonable answers out of his twin.

Kaoru wanted to laugh out loud from this situation. Just for no apparent reason, just to laugh at everything Hikaru was saying, and how he was acting. Though, from all he could remember later he just might have, as the look on Hikaru's face, to him, was one of pure hurt. He was pushing Hikaru away as a natural defense to protect himself. But from what? Why was he even doing this to begin with?

"Just… just leave me alone, Hikaru! Leave… I… want to be-" Kaoru wasn't even able to finish his sentence before Hikaru cut in.

"If you want to push me away that badly then fine. I'll play along with your game." Hikaru didn't say a word after that, choosing to let the dead silence between them work for him. He headed inside, making sure to pause just before he entered the room.

"You aren't yourself, Kaoru. I'll see through your trick eventually. We are the same, you and I."

Hikaru stood still long enough to watch as his brother slid towards the floor, breaking down. "You said you wanted to be alone. Now here's your chance." Hikaru had to use all his will power just to walk _through_ the door. He could see his younger twin fall to the floor, drawing his knees up close to his own body, wrapping his arms around his legs only to start crying. Kaoru never said a word. No "don't leave me" or "I need your help". That, those unsaid words had to have hurt him the worst.

Kaoru could only watch as Hikaru walked away. He walked towards the others who were laughing, playing, talking and having fun. The smile he drew on his face was a fake one, but no one here would know. Haruhi wouldn't even be able to tell the difference this time. This was too good of an act, to serious, this smile, to be seen through that easily. He was protecting himself from everyone else, this wasn't a game. Not this time, Kaoru knew.

"So, Kaoru never showed up after all?" Hunny sounded disappointed. "And I thought he was cheering up too. We talked a lot while walking here before the Host Club and he seemed to be feeling better."

xxx

_Flashback: Hikaru ended up using Kaoru's absence to play up his "I'm lonely without my 'other half'" to the fullest extent possible. Fake tears, included._

Tamaki only watched as Hikaru left the room without saying another word. Only Haruhi, though the exact reasoning unknown to him, wasn't worried about Hikaru like everyone else appeared to be. Tamaki placed his own hand in Haruhi's. "Can you… come with me?"

She looked at Tamaki curiously, as though deciding what to do. Her smile, and Tamaki, won out in the end. "Of course, Tamaki."

Her smiled seemed too infectious to be true. Tamaki's mind started to race with similar thoughts when Haruhi's voice startled him out of his day dream. "But, where are we going? Is something wrong?"

Tamaki closed his eyes. "You know something about Hikaru."

Her smiled faded as they walked. "And I want to know what it is."

This time, it was Hunny and Mori's turn to watch Tamaki and Haruhi leave the room. Kyoya had already left before everyone else, so they were currently alone. Hunny walked towards the doors, past the Victorian style setup, which had been the current theme for the week. "Mori… what's happening to them? No one seems to realize what's really going on."

Mori grunted in reply. Hunny continued walking with Mori towards the doors. "I can feel it. It's going to be a long time before anyone figures this mess out. I guess when it comes to love and emotions there really are no road maps, huh?"

Hunny and Mori left the room. Admid the shadows of the curtains, stepped out a quiet stranger. She brushed off her school uniform as she started towards the door herself. "I knew you wouldn't come."

"_Right_, Kaoru?"

**+Continue+**


	4. Never Enough

**Title**: No One Taught Us This...  
**Chapter 4**: Never Enough

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

**Note**: While I DO mention that there is incest involved in my story, I must add that I have mature themes as well towards the bottom of the chapter. It's been really tame so far, and I don't go into details but the subject matter is still mature. Whether you like it or not, that's up to you. But becuase I don't know how 'mature' it is, I want to bump up the rating just in case. It's probably nothing, but I would rather be on the safe side. You never know. ^^

* * *

"Hi- Hikaru? What I know… I'm not sure why, but I don't think it's my place to tell you. Tamaki." Haruhi's voice was warm, but firm. Whatever her reasoning, Tamaki knew her well enough to know her loyalty to her friends surpassed not just him, but to the other host club members as well. "Will you believe what I'm about to say, Tamaki? If you won't, then I have no reason to be talking to you."

Tamaki's reluctant nod moved her on. "What we're doing, whatever it is, it doesn't mean anything. You, me, us – what we are, it won't touch our feelings." She slipped her small, soft hands into his. Tamaki could feel the atmosphere between them thicken and swirl around his mind. This feeling, the pulling attraction, it meant something important but exactly whatever it was, he couldn't bring himself to say it. Haruhi's eyes were waiting for him, smiling at him with that gentle understanding gaze.

"Yeah…" Tamaki responded offhandedly. His gaze slipped towards the ground and refused to make eye contact. His Peripheral vision saw her hands let go of his, hesitantly moving towards him before backing off. An awkward silence hushed the air, her soft goodbye ringing in his ears as she ran off towards home. He couldn't move from his spot near the inner courtyard. He wanted to talk to her privately but it didn't go as he planned. He couldn't make sense of her emotions and what they meant.

Kyoya's voice pieced the thick, clouded air. His body instinctively relaxed as he heard his friend call out to him. "Are you that worried about her?" Tamaki could hear the unspoken jealous his friend was feeling now. Neither his voice nor his actions indicated anything was wrong, but Tamaki, he knew better. Even so, he wasn't sure what to say in this situation. What would make Kyoya reassured, without being lied too caused his mind to internally panic. Unlike Haruhi's feminine hands that had lightly wrapped around his own just moments ago, Kyoya's hands where opposite. Strong, rough and firm in their grasp. "Kyo… ya."

Yet the Kyoya interrupted before his friend could finish; placing a finger over Tamaki's lips gently. "Shh, Tamaki. Its okay, you don't have to explain anything to me. I already know what your heart does, even if you are unaware of it. Do… you know why?"

Only a questioning look entered Tamaki's eyes, inadvertently holding his breath as Kyoya stared through him. They had always been old friends, but lately it seemed as if Kyoya were more aware of Tamaki's actions then he had been. The smile his friend gave him, how his expression had turned from a silent, strong gaze to a addicting and soft, comforting one. Those eyes always pulled him in, without knowing, feeling his body move closer to Kyoya's on its own.

Hands wrapped gently around Tamaki's face, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from the slightly shorter man. Black hair framing a delicate, beautiful face that always carried such subtle expressions most people missed. Tamaki couldn't help but feel the heat as they kissed, his body passionately wanting more and most of all, enjoying this moment. Kyoya rested his head on Tamaki's shoulder, an embrace that couldn't have been closer.

"I won't say it right now," Kyoya whispered. "But when you know what I want to say, also know that I will be waiting for you." He continued even as Tamaki tried to interrupt him. "When you know what you want I want you to take it, Tamaki. Take me."

Tamaki couldn't respond, his body had frozen his voice; but his hands seemed to move on their own. Brushing Kyoya's hair gently, stroking that face and holding the man close. These complicated emotions, they sounded like love but what kind of love and how were they different from one another. "I- I don't know," he finally said to Kyoya. "My mind is so confused; just… let me hold you. Don't leave me right now, Kyoya. My Kyoya…" He didn't know why he said 'my Kyoya,' yet the reason, whatever it was, didn't seem to matter at the moment. Nothing else really mattered, not Haruhi or the twins and their childish fights. Nothing else, but this conversation in moment and in time.

xxx

"Hik- aru…" Haruhi's voice was panting, slightly out of breath. "Are you sure we… should be doing this?"

Hikaru only laughed in response. "It's too late for those kinds of thoughts now." He looked down at her, watching the sweat drip slowly down her face. "You wanted to know, this is your fault."

She looked away, her face flushing. "Yeah well you're the one with the weird hobbies in bed, Hikaru. I swear, you need to figure out exactly what your heart," she pointed to his chest, running her finger down the damp skin. "Here. You can't tell me this is what you really want to hold onto for the rest of your life. Even I can tell your heart isn't in it."

She sat up on her elbows, her gaze focused slowly on Hikaru's now embarrassed face. "Now take these handcuffs off, Hikaru. I'm done being your replacement for today. Next time you get an urge, find someone else. Better yet – find your brother."

xxx

_In this world that Hikaru and I created, I find myself drifting further and further apart from my beloved. In my heart, I want him to stay with me forever without caring about anyone else in the world. Not what they think about us or what they think we should do with our lives. Because I don't know what real love is supposed to feel like, I keep questioning my own decisions and emotions. Second guessing every action and word. Yet, I can feel I am also not being true to myself in this case. I can feel it somewhere inside me; deep in my heart my mind knows that something is changing, unable to ignore. When that time comes, I'll finally be able to let my heart take a break from all these volatile emotions. Should I really… really let you go? Hikaru…_

"If I went home now, would Hikaru already be there? Two hours after school, if I didn't come home at all, would I be sad because he isn't by my side? I wonder…" Kaoru spent the good portion of the last two hours doing nothing but making his own situation worse by pondering the questions best left resolved with time. Having to give up something, which has taken the course of over 14 years to build and connect with wasn't easy. Trying to let go of his feelings for his brother was even harder. Normal brothers didn't love each other like this; they didn't sleep in the same bed night after night and think about playing around. Wanting to kiss that person all the time or never leaving your thoughts wasn't normal either. He could tell just by looking at other people; though love was hard to gage, it wasn't impossible to notice. The small signs, there, but sometimes hidden.

Nothing was easy anymore. Kaoru longed for the days of his childhood; the simple, clear cut days that didn't cause this much emotional tremors. The car from his house had stopped by multiple times to try and pick him up, but countless refusals led to the compromise of the joys of being followed via car (the noticeable, rich kind that didn't blend in). It wasn't until evening of walking around aimlessly that he decided to finally head home. Kaoru prepared himself for a worried, rabid introduction by his brother for being late but what he found could only be described as the effect of his more recent behavior.

Hikaru stood near the doors, just off to the side in the shadows. They stood, gazes locked until the chauffeurs left the area to park the cars in a nearby garage. Kaoru's heart twitched in pain as he saw the disinterested look on his brother's face. The cold glare from earlier never left his face. He wasn't joking this time, or playing around in that awkward manner. For the first time in their lives, they felt the pull of the real world. Their bubble was shrinking, and only a matter of time would pursue before all their emotions would blow up. They had to change, but adapting alone was never an option until now.

"You're home, Kaoru. Should I say 'welcome back'?" Hikaru's voice was ice cold, a frozen anger kept in check. "Well?"

"What… do you want me to say, Hikaru?" By not answering his brother directly, Kaoru wanted to avoid the topic altogether. Yet, by not answering, he was also saying, "I have nothing to say to you."

The cold demeanor relaxed for a moment and released a sigh. In an unexpected move, Hikaru walked over to his brother and stopped next to his side; placing strong, warm arms around Kaoru from the right. He gently placed his head against his brothers. "Don't worry me anymore. We're still brothers; I refuse to let that change. If anything falls apart, I swear I won't leave your side."

Kaoru was left in the cold, chilly wind as his twin walked towards the front doors. Hikaru's words rang in his ears as the door shut with a click. "Come sleep in my bed, Kaoru. That's an order." Letting out the breath he inadvertently had been holding, Kaoru heaved another sigh before walking inside.

It felt like a death march as Kaoru walked towards their bedroom. He couldn't find any reason to waste more time in the bathroom, and the late night snack and drink routine only worked for so long. He didn't know what he was expecting; Hikaru wasn't angry with him per say, but it's not like they were on equal speaking terms just yet. Lately his brother had started to become more assertive in their relationship, which Kaoru didn't find that unappealing. On the contrary, he was actually beginning to like this side of his brother. Breaking out of his shell was something Kaoru hoped for more than anything. To be able to adjust in the real world, they each needed to grow up but Kaoru could only wonder, "Why did it have to happen so fast?"

Hikaru's gaze was cold for a moment, as he saw the surprised look on Kaoru's face as the man entered the room. The fact that he had stayed up to wait from his brother seemed to come as a shock, to which the cause was all too well known. "I'm not going to sleep angry with you, Kaoru. I refuse to." He opened his arms to his brother, "Now come. Take off that robe and get in bed with me. I'll comfort you tonight, like we used to." Kaoru's gazed shifted away momentarily, only to lock again once more a few seconds later. The man was divided on what to do; to stay angry, or to leave the fight behind for the next day. He let out a sigh, letting a small smile slip across his face. Even thought slightly forced, it made his brother give that little smile back in answer.

The long, white and fluffy bathroom slipped to the floor. Night clothes and underwear had been strewn aside for later usage. As he crawled upon the giant bed, silk sheets met his skin, making him relax just that much more. Hikaru pulled Karou's face towards his, starting the night off with a deep kiss. Smooth hands ran themselves down Kaoru's back, making his shiver in anticipation. Hikaru couldn't help but smile as he suddenly slammed his brother down towards the bed, straddling his back. Yanking Kaoru's head back by his hair, Hikaru whispered softly into the air next to his brother's ear. Kaoru's flushed face, hot with excitement only made Hikaru's body want to scream for more. "I love you, Kaoru. I always will."

After forcing a strong, inescapable kiss on his brother, he started licking his way down Kaoru's neck. "You are mine tonight, Kaoru." He pulled out two rope-styled cuffs. "I've learned some new tricks I want to teach you." It was this strength that Kaoru realized he was beginning to long for. Craving more, this demanding, sadistic side in bed became more addicting day by day. A whispered though entered his mind that Hikaru might be having sex with someone else but for some reason, he didn't feel threatened. His brother's loyalty was absolute and at times like these, he wondered how he could ever forget that. "More, Hikaru, please."

"Give me more, brother. I want-"


	5. Behind the Facade, I can see the Truth

**Title**: No One Taught Us This...  
**Chapter 5**: Behind the Facade, I can see the Truth

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

"I don't know what to say, Tamaki. Kaoru won't listen to me. Whatever I say now, it's like nothing gets through to him. Even last night, he clung so close to me but…"Hikaru wasn't sure what else he could have done with his brother that night to make him feel better. Talking to Tamaki seemed to help lately, more so because they had been friends from the very beginning. Tamaki paused before responding to Hikaru's line of thinking.

Hesitantly, he started, "You know, Hikaru, there really is nothing I can say to help you this time." Tamaki leaned back, staring up at the pure blue sky. The court yard was always somewhat busy during lunch, but in that respect might have made it a better cover in talking about private issues without having to hide. Eavesdropping was always problem, though there really was no guarantee that being alone would stop that same issue from occurring either. Hikaru looked up in surprise at his friend, this was the first time Tamaki had openly stated that he couldn't help. "It's hard to deal with this kind of stuff, I know, but Hikaru – this time, just this time, no one can help you out but you. I can't tell you how to feel about your brother because in the end, that's precisely what the problem is. You know it as well as I do."

Tamaki gave Hikaru a slightly mocking salute as he left the courtyard. "Figure this out on your own this time, would you? I know you can do it. You can't stay in that bubble of yours for very long. Not this time."

Hikaru couldn't help but yell out in frustration; as it was lunch time, all the noise surrounding him had drowned out his voice. No one seemed to notice his anger, and if they did, no one seemed to care. Giving in, he let out a breath as he trudged towards the club room. He knew Kaoru would be coming to school late today, yet lunch time rolled around without one sign of his brother. The attention he tired to create as a diversion seemed to backfire and the feeling of being alone seemed to hit home more than usual. Although he had been hungry before during the morning classes, his appetite now seemed to have faded. Hikaru knew that he would probably regret later not eating anything now, but somehow it didn't seem so bad. At the very least, it would distract his mind from wandering towards useless thoughts.

**xxx**

"There you are, Tamaki!" Haruhi said as she came running towards him. This particular hallway was always deserted around lunch time, so she didn't have to worry about getting in trouble for running or accidentally bumping into people. "You weren't in the club room, so I was worried. Usually you at least stop by before walking off somewhere. Even the twins aren't there, so it kind of feels like something is missing too."

Tamaki gave Haruhi a small smile, shrugging his shoulders. "You've been getting pretty close to Hikaru lately. You know the trouble they're going though. Even if you weren't that close to them, only we know the twins well enough to disconcern their troubles from that front they put on."

Haruhi fidgeted a bit, before turning to lean out against the open window. "About last time, when you asked about Hikaru, I didn't mean to put it so roughly. You're jealous, aren't you? Of me and Hikaru suddenly getting closer." She paused long enough to look at Tamaki's face, which although glancing aimless outside as well, his full attention was on Haruhi right now. Noting the slight head nod in a return gesture, she continued on. "We… aren't together. He talks to me about his problems with Kaoru, sometimes. Hanging out, then… we go out to play. I'm single, although I can tell Hikaru has someone he loves, his reasons are his own and it's not my place to tell you about it. But, I can definitely say that my feelings for him – whatever they are, isn't love. If I know anything at all, it's that. Just that."

When Haruhi turned her face back towards Tamaki, to her surprise she met his gaze and the world centered in to this one moment in time. Leaning in, she felt her face turn hot and the heart beat in her mind's eye raced out of control. Without thinking a slender, feminine arm wrapped its way across Tamaki's back; the taste of his tongue, the feel of his lips and those translucent blue eyes captured everything she had in that instant. Unable to pull away, yet reluctantly doing so anyways while helplessly watching as that single point of existence filtered away to reveal the surroundings the two had momentarily forgotten.

Sliding his hand down her face, he huffed as he ruffled her hair. "I do have to go now, Haruhi. Prior meeting, I'm sorry." Haruhi could only watch, slipping out a heavy sigh as Tamaki walked down the empty hallway towards the local side exit of the build. It led to the back part of the school, but it was still a popular meeting place for lunch groupies and hanging out. The school had even put in an eating and greeting area just for that purpose. Though Haruhi had to admit, it looks more like a giant café setup then something that belonged at a school. Giving up for now, Haruhi slowly brought herself back to reality and the realization that she the end of lunch hour wasn't going to increase; the next stop would be the ever crowded cafeteria. Haruhi considered herself lucky in the fact that she wasn't too picky an eater. Since by this point and time, the only options left via food wise, would be the scraps and leftovers from whatever the rest of the student body decided to leave behind.

Kyoya couldn't help but be disturbed by the fact that Tamaki had actually kissed Haruhi, whether he loved the girl or not. Even if he put up a front and pretended like it didn't bother him he knew, that in the end, Tamaki would see right through him. Things like "what was he to Tamaki" or "what is Tamaki doing with Haruhi" flashed in his mind, but pointless questions like those were nothing but trouble left on their own. Still, as much as he wanted to think that he knew everything going on in Tamaki's head the man's recent behavior confounded him. Lately it seemed as if they were growing apart, Tamaki maturing in a way Kyoya didn't expect or know how to cope with. It could be possible that Tamaki doesn't even realize his own feelings, but even that wasn't an excuse to go out with more than one person at a time. In the end, if Tamaki had to choose between him or Haruhi, Kyoya wasn't sure which one would be the winner. Even if love wasn't supposed to be a contest, that's what it sure as hell felt like this time, and with that though Kyoya let out a deep sigh and leaned back against the café-styled chair.

Sitting at the opposite end of the seating area, farthest away from the school and opposite an empty chair, Kyoya sat with his own unnerved thoughts waiting for the cause of all his dilemmas himself, Tamaki. From a distance, he had seen Tamaki kiss Haruhi from an open window on the ground floor, and the anger he suddenly felt rush to his head had been hard to keep under wraps. It pissed him off more than anything but actually showing his discomfort at something like that wasn't a public display. At all times, he needed to be cool, calm and calculating even if Tamaki sometimes sent all his common sense out the window. It didn't help with Kyoya found his heart starting to beat faster as he realized Tamaki was walking towards him, joining him for the rest of the lunch hour. While Kyoya had started on a lunch he packed before leaving school, Tamaki's own hand packed bento had yet to be started on. Not that they didn't have enough time or anything, it was still pretty early in the lunch break.

For a while, Kyoya barely recognized the idle, mindless conversation – that was, until Tamaki realized his lunch partner hadn't been listening at all. "You saw us, didn't you, Kyoya." Tamaki received Kyoya's slightly flushed face in anger and an avoiding gaze.

"Why, Tamaki… what do you want from me? What can I do to keep you all to myself?" Kyoya didn't want to face Tamaki right now; if he did he wasn't sure he would be able to maintain his calm, cool facade.

Yet, judging by the tone in Tamaki's voice the man was clearly grinning while he spoke. "You aren't usually so direct like this, Kyoya." Tamaki reached out his hand and led Kyoya's face towards his own.

"Look at me, okay?" A reluctant but expecting gaze in response to Tamaki's guiding hand. "I was just playing around but if you want me to stop, visit my room tonight. I know you are reluctant to, your pride holds you back from handing yourself over to me. Yet, you tell me you love me – such a contradiction, Kyoya."

Kyoya knocked away Tamaki's hand. "What are you saying? I'm not afraid of you."

"I didn't say you were," he responded back quietly. "If you want me, you will have to put your fears aside and trust me completely. I'll give you my mark to show that you belong to me and no one else. In return, I'll stay true to you and you alone."

Kyoya's only response had been to angrily avoid Tamaki's gaze. What Tamaki had been talking about, he understood exactly what it meant but he wasn't sure if he could do it. Kyoya would have to hand everything over to Tamaki; his heart, body, pride, vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Pride was something he had in abundance, needing to always create this mask of a calm, quiet yet dutiful student. Passionate about his job, maybe even to the point of scary but bowing down to others, that wasn't something in Kyoya's vocabulary. If he made a mistake, he would fix it and that would be that. Yet when it came to Tamaki maybe, just maybe he would be able to forsake everything for him.

Tamaki stood up after a couple minutes of silence. If Kyoya wasn't ready to answer him, then Tamaki would wait until he could. Given, he probably still would flirt with Haruhi just to piss Kyoya off but if this is what it took to make that man his, then Tamaki wasn't afraid to do it. Behind this mask he put on for the public, behind the smiling, friendly and comedic leader that inspired everyone around him would show his true face. In a world ruled by mass public opinion, Tamaki knew that if he could find that one person who would love him just as he is, without the mask then he would go to any lengths to chain that person to his side.

Holding out his hand to Kyoya, he paused and took a deep breath. Tamaki's words, as he spoke them were barely audible but to Kyoya it couldn't have made any difference. Knowing Tamaki only too well, sometimes words weren't even needed. Quietly, Tamaki repeated himself but his voice was gentle and caring. "I love you, Kyoya. Follow me, chain yourself to me and stay by my side. Until you die."

"Ta-Tamaki…" Sweet, honey sounding words from Tamaki's lips were only followed up by his words proving he had been caught off-guard. To take his hand now, to believe in him – to give into those sharp, sometimes painful feelings always caused his emotions to waver. "I…"


	6. A Five Pence Fare, The Toll of Death

**Title**: No One Taught Us This...  
**Chapter 6**: A Five Pence Fare, The Toll of Death

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

"It's because I love you so much that I have to do this. Because you will never love me, because I only know the joys of your body I must do this. It's too late to interfere in Tamaki's relationship with Kyoya but Hikaru… I'll break you, and show you what love really is. That it's nothing more than a hot but ever fleeting feeling. In the end, we really ever are just one person – alone, pathetic and broken."

Kyoya watched as Tamaki strode busily around the room, and a small fear rose up in this throat, chocking him. The room was slightly above room temperature; although it was a spare bedroom it was completely sterile and clean. Tamaki held a long, thin needle in his hand as if inspecting it; his hands wore the rubber doctor gloves, which also attended to a small steel tray. "I've done this kind of thing before, since it's my hobby after all."

Kyoya smirked, "Giving piercings is a hobby? But yeah, it does kind of suit you I guess. The real you." He lay back on the bed again, stretching out. Completely naked on the bed, Kyoya felt the strong pull of embarrassment and fear cross his face involuntarily. Whenever his body started to shake, even with the subtlest of movements Tamaki's words always calmed him down, letting his body relax. He was letting Tamaki pierce his body as proof of his feelings, but it was this precise thing which Kyoya knew he had to overcome. Giving in to someone else so completely that you place your life in their hands, it wasn't something he felt he could do even with a loved one. He didn't trust others that much and even Tamaki knew this much.

"I want you to stay here a couple of days with me; I want to make sure it doesn't get infected. Remember, no sex for a couple of weeks until it completely heals, Kyoya." Tamaki eyed the man on the bed, "No jerking off while I'm not looking either." Carefully he set the small tray down on the bed table next to Kyoya, picking up the needle before locking eyes with his lover.

"Are you afraid?" Tamaki asked. The rubber glove felt awkward against Kyoya's skin, but it was the thought that counted more. He spread his legs and faced Tamaki, choosing to convoy his words without speaking because of his unsteady, shaking voice. He was scared, giving himself to Tamaki was something he wanted to do but it also scared him more the anything. Yet Kyoya held determination closely to his heart and started taking deep, slow breaths. "I trust you, Tamaki. If it's you, I'll hand over everything I have to be in your care."

Tamaki positioned himself between Kyoya's legs, reassuring the young man and constantly talking to him. "It's better to do this if you're hard," He warped his mouth around Kyoya completely, taking in everything he had over and over again. Just enough, not letting him cum, stopping midway with a supportive smile across his face, "I love you, Kyoya. Always – I will always love you. I shall bind you to me so you cannot escape."

Even if he could, Kyoya knew he wouldn't want to escape this person no matter what he had to put up with when facing this man's sadistic side. Kyoya closed his eyes, biting down on a soft rubber bone placed in his mouth so he wouldn't bite his tongue. Awkward, rubber fingers felt him up, grasping in a firm hold that refused to let go. Suddenly, Tamaki chimed in with a story to distract his partner. "Do you know where they think the term "Prince Albert piercing" might have come from? While the true origins are unknown it is believed to have started in Europe, to what I admit would be a handy torture device. This piercing was further developed in America where it became what you see today."

A scream muffled its way past Kyoya's lips as he bit down hard on the rubber bone, the instant suddenly hot sting of pain the washed over his body. He looked down to see the needle pierced completely thought the top of his urethra to the lower side of the head on his penis. Small drops of blood slide down the needle as Tamaki slowly pulled it out. If he had to describe the pain, or the process it resembled any other piercing he knew about – the sudden pain, the possibility of infection and maybe some light irritation or itching at first. Yet, despite the pain what reassured him more than anything now was the way that Tamaki was taking care of him with those warm, gentle hands.

The round gold ring shone softly against the glint of the afternoon sun. A diamond embedded in a small golden oval structure made Kyoya think of a typical wedding ring. "I'll pierce one of your nipples next, after this heals. I want to wait until you've recovered before we play around but I still want you to sleep with me."

Kyoya had no choice but smile proudly at Tamaki, watching the man take off the gloves to embrace the still shivering body lying on the bed. "Tamaki, I love you, I will always love you." He felt embarrassed as tears started to run down his face but Tamaki only held him closer. In one movement he swiftly moved behind Kyoya and pulled that body towards his chest, "I engraved it, you know. It says, 'Tamaki 3 Kyoya' Forever mine.'"

"Yeah," Kyoya responded happily. "Really, I really couldn't be happier you know. It's embarrassing but if it's you, I don't mind showing you another side of me. Only you, Tamaki. I love you."

xxx

Growing up with Hikaru, I never regretted anything before. We did what we wanted to do and acted how we wanted to act without regard to others. Yet, that child like world I found has to come to an end at some point in time. We have to grow up and face out inner selves as we figure out our place in this world. I don't even know what I want to do in life or even the next day, so these feelings that I've never felt before become more confusing than ever. If I continue on as I have been, fighting with my brother and pushing him away then for the rest of my life, I know this: I will forever regret and wonder about how far our relationship could have gone.

My wanting to commandeer my brother at all times, like a possessive jealousy is hard to control but if I think about it, it's something that needs to be done. Unless Hikaru is truly happy in this relationship I know he will move on and find person to love and that thought to me, is unbearable. If that's going to happen I don't want to get in too deep only to be dumped later. I'm scared, afraid and a coward because I'm running from my own feelings. But even I know how strong love can be, how deeply I feel for him now will only become stronger with time. Hikaru has always been the possessive sort, more so with me than anyone else yet what I want him to do will be hard.

If I disappear from his sight, my brother might chase after me but he also might stay behind to finish school and work, I don't know for sure. In order for me to break away from this relationship completely there's only one thing left I can do. I'll make sure my brother is happy, even if I have to sell my soul and body to do it. To become nothing, a faceless person with no identity is better than watching the person I love most I this world drift farther and farther away. This is how it has to be. My life, family and friends – if I can't live with the one I love, then I might as well be living in eternal darkness, in an inescapable world that will take my mind off of these heedless thoughts.

I mentioned before that I was a coward and a masochist at heart because that is the only reason why I'm able to go through with this plan at all. Escaping and running away won't solve anything but, it's easy. I'm tired of feeling this tormented and confused so I will run away from everything like a coward and live a pitiful life in the dark underworld of our city.

"So, you've come. Kaoru." The sly, keen voice cooed in Kaoru's ear, "You really are too much – but, if Haruhi recommends you then…. Who am I to say no?"

"You'll keep this a secret, won't you? Haruhi." Kaoru asked quietly, a sound of emptiness filled his voice as if he had given up on hope completely. He had entered a dimly lit basement that once belonged to a restaurant, as proof of the odds and ends of utensils and various dried food items, including barrels of spices that lie around the room. Only a singular table was lit, as if in a spotlight drew attention to the almost emotionless man and woman that sat there.

Haruhi stepped out from behind the couple, placing her hand on the woman's shoulders as she replied to Kaoru's previous inquiry. "I won't tell if you won't, Kaoru. You know your brother has feelings for me, so if you think you're the one whose holding him back who am I to stop you? This is the only way that Hikaru will be able to move on from your twisted, pathetic relationship."

Her words stabbed at Kaoru's heart like a knife, all the more so in that she was completely right. If he stayed with his brother, he would never leave or move on with his own life. Forever their days together, whether it dealt with dating, marriage or whatever the sexual relationship the two brothers shared would remain. Kaoru sighed, his fate resigned to a world where his soul would no longer be his own.

"If you understand," the man's deep voice interpreted his thoughts, "then take off your clothes and let's see what we have to work with. You're cute; you'll go for a high price. This will be completely off the record, of course and once you leave I can assure you that no one will be able to trace you're movements ever again. You will become no one, is that okay?"

"Yeah. I can't stay with him. In my heart, I know he is the only person I will love like that. That desperate, unending love… I don't want to die but I want to get as close to that as I can. Where I'm going to run to – I don't ever want to come back to this place. I'm resigned to my fate, once I pass those gates to hell."

The woman cracked a smile, unable to keep herself from laughing. "Hell, now that's a good one. Haha, yeah I guess what you'll be doing can be considered a form of living hell. Only those desperate to run away from life entirely will come to us on their own. You're special, so we'll make sure to get you a real nice place to stay. You'll start with the higher end clients, but from what Haruhi tells us, you have a real talent for SM play. We can't tell you how much our clients secretly enjoy that type of thing."

Haruhi walked to the side of the table and held out her hand to Kaoru. "I'll walk with you to the loading dock out back. I'll stay with you until we're ready to leave, as my condolence to you."

Kaoru hesitated, but slowly reached out the grab her hand. "Yeah, thanks. Haruhi."


	7. Time that's Lost, the Dove who Cries

**Title**: No One Taught Us This...  
**Chapter 7**: Time that's Lost, the Dove who Cries

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love). I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

It's been seven years from the time I graduated from this school and what feels like twice that long since my brother, Kaoru disappeared from my sight. Since then, I have dated countless women and men, but none of them compare to the feelings I still hold for my brother. The taboo, unspeakable feelings that we shared enter my thoughts all the time, every time I have sex and at night when my dreams turn into nightmares. I'm a business man now, working towards become president of one of my father's companies but life doesn't feel exciting or motivated at all. I'm walking through the steps laid out for me but it doesn't seem real somehow. Haruhi and I are living in the same, high-class apartment area and the sex hasn't stopped since our high school and college days.

We've long since discovered our compatibility to be nothing more than close friends, ever since we both ran out on each other the day of our wedding. We thought we were in love, we dated and wanted to get married but when the time finally came, and neither of us could escape our past. The future and our public images weren't strong enough reasons for a loveless partnership. I have my brother, and Haruhi also has someone she won't admit to liking. That girl, Benio Amakusa from our neighboring high schools Zuka club runs a café near our apartment place. I've talked to her many times, and as odd as it may seem at first we've actually become really good friends. That's how I know; Haruhi is in the same position as me – except I'll accept my choice of sexual partnership whether they are male or female.

Tamaki and Kyoya oversee multiple companies, and no matter what title Tamaki has assumed Kyoya was always by his side serving as secretary. Secretly however, they also own one of the more successful buildings in the local red light district – the Princess Host Club. It's famous for not only serving the highest class of customers but also fulfilling any type of sexual desire from role play, bondage and SM. I've visited there from time to time as Tamaki's guest and I can vouch for the customers and clients on how spectacular that place really is. As my own sexual desires lie heavily in the SM area I've become a regular client for their brothel.

The only people from the Host Club that I haven't been able to contact, due to their busy schedule, would be none other than Mori and still-adorable Hunny. Last I heard from those two, they were really popular theatre actors on tour of Japan, China and parts of Europe. The time for happiness is only relative to each person since Haruhi and I seemed to have gotten the short end of that deal. Like any other day, the moment I step out of the door to my apartment time passes which I cannot reclaim. If I were to meet my brother again, I would let him know my feelings without hesitation. He will not be able to escape me a second time, even if he is married or has a lover I will have him by my side once more.

xxx

"You know, the only person who would come to my café this early in the morning is you, Hikaru." Benio said, unable to hide the grin on her face. Even if she pretended to act mad, Hikaru would always see through her acts. "I can't fool you, I'm glad to see you too. Come in."

Unlocking the door, the lights in the café seemed bright against the dawning sky. Hikaru sat near the far window, his usual seat; in the morning, the sun would rise in the opposite direction causing a natural shade to cover the area. "Usual," Hikaru called out to Benio from across the room. This early in the morning, usually Benio opened the shop by herself everyday so Hikaru didn't feel constricted about what he could and couldn't talk about.

"Still looking for your brother?" She yelled out from the kitchen.

Hikaru laughed. "You may ask, but I doubt the answer will change from yesterday. Although, it would be nice if it did. You know, I'll bring him by to meet you once I find him. You'll like him, I'm sure."

A coffee mug and saucer landed with a soft clink on the table in front of him. Accompanied by a doughnut – pumpkin spice, the current month's special and the dark cup of coffee, the morning wouldn't have been compete without Benio sitting in the chair opposite him. "I want to make sure you don't give up, Hikaru. I know you'll find him, and when you do I'll also do as I promised. I'll make anything he requests and a special, personal sized cake just for you two. Okay?"

That seemed to life Hikaru's spirits a bit, even if he had heard that same line for the last couple of years, for some reason, it never because old. Benio never lost her spirit, always positive and encouraging in the face of adversity and challenges. The time she spent with her was always calming and devoid of the pressures and stress of daily life. Usually she was fixing the log books from the night before during their morning sessions, but since Benio had no trouble multitasking, even with customers it had always continued to amaze him. "You'll find him," she interrupted. "I know you will."

"Why… do you believe so strongly about this? If anything wouldn't it be the exact opposite? Telling me to move on and continue with life?" The only answer Hikaru received was Benio's gentle, yet somewhat loud laugh. She smiled at him, "I know he's not dead, because you would instinctively know that without having to be told. Isn't it enough that I really want to help you? I just want you to be happy and… I… would like to be happy as well."

"Benio…"

xxx

The night view that shone through the small window, however lit up and decorated didn't seem at all comforting this time. The middle of downtown, a small apartment atop a café, Benio sat crouched over the windowsill, blowing the cigarette smoke outside. The already polluted city air mingled with the smoke, but that only served to remind her just how long ago it really was that she moved here and started that little café business. Too many years ago, she knew, even skipping out on college to pursue her dream – that not she was regretting it now, but the carefree days of high school looking really inviting now.

Inhaling again, she blew smoke lamely out the window. Every time she talked to Hikaru, the name of his twin would always come up and it was that, which made her so depressed now. "If I told you… Hikaru… I know how he disappeared, would you hate me? Would it help you? When even I can't find him…"

Talking to herself was comforting, as the small two room apartment held just enough for a bed in one room and a table next to the kitchen in the other. She didn't have a TV or radio, as all the spare money she saved up was constantly being spent to improve her business.

"Fuck you, Haruhi!" She burst out suddenly, stubbing out her cigarette. Already moving to light another, she continued to stare outside that open window. "Fuck. It's your fault I'm in this mess to begin with. Now what, you want to pretend we weren't lovers or sex friends? Whatever. It's not my problem anymore." Despite saying that, somehow Benio couldn't quite convince herself to actually believe it.

"Looks like another night without sleep…" wearily she laid her head down on the window, her active mind too busy thinking about the past to even bother with anything else. "Geez, just come back to me already, Haruhi… I should hate you for fucking up my life, but why can't I?"

Empty beer cans were littered haphazardly throughout the small bedroom, the bed covered with the cardboard boxes those same cans came packaged in. To be honest, it looked like a pigsty since she also had clothing overflowing from the hamper in the corner and yet somehow, none of that mattered. Drinking, smoking and maybe falling asleep; the only thing she looked forward after work seemed to be the same thing night after night. It wasn't that exciting, but at the very least it took her mind away from being hopelessly depressed during the day. Venting out stress felt good, and the amount of alcohol she drank seemed to use up any spare change she saved up during the month from profits.

Under the same moon, the spectacular city view could also be seen from the Shinagawa Hospital, a building thirty stories tall and a couple city blocks wide. The twenty-seventh floor, window room number 2711, private room with a late night visitor fresh from the emergency ward's waiting room. Tamaki strode, pacing back and forth in front of the large, full length windows. Although it has been seven years, he had to admit that appearance wise nothing really changed. Kyoya however went with the professional, short, spiky cut – a totally different feel from the normal. In fact, it had been last week he cut his hair since not only was it summer, but his hair had grown down to his neck which bothered him to no end during the day.

"I know how you feel, Tamaki but there really is nothing more we can do tonight." Kyoya said, as he leaned back in the small chair that resided in close proximity to the patient at hand. "They even let us borrow a spare room to spend the night, since the higher rooms aren't as high in demand. We should sleep."

"I can't sleep, knowing it's _him_ that got hurt. It hurts more because he's an old friend." Tamaki sighed as he placed his hand on the glass before him. "It never changes, you know? From up above, everything seems to always look the same, as if it's our man-made version of those night stars up above. Kyoya… are we doing the right thing with him?"

Kyoya replied in an exhausted voice, "We've been through this, Kaoru doesn't want us telling his brother where he is. You don't want him to have any more mental problems then he has right now."

The figure in the bed moaned slightly, before going back to sleep. Tamaki turned to watch in silence, before looking out at the city lights once more. "It's only been a year since he came to us, but why doesn't he want to find the memories hidden within his mind and heart? Is he afraid of letting his brother find out what he's become, or is the thought of such a pure, unaltered love so terrifying? I… don't understand him, Kyoya. Why he doesn't chase after his past."

Giving up, Kyoya stood up and strode towards his lover, placed reaffirming arms around the long, thin waist. Tamaki was taller than him, but only be a few inches. "You said you wanted to try out the hospital beds, right? I'm sure… the overnight nurses wouldn't mind us…. 'Testing out' some of the instruments here? You know they love us – they're smitten, it's written all over their faces."

For the first time that night, Tamaki let a huge grin spread across his face. He turned to face his partner, unable to hold back from that tempting offer. "You know, the people here are going to be beside themselves when they see you tomorrow, Kyo~ya."

A sudden, sharp gleam sparkled in Tamaki's eye. "Punish me, Tamaki, please." The words slipped out almost effortlessly as he spoke them. No one would believe the drastic personality change he made when it came to sex, but he felt a comforting sense of security knowing that only Tamaki could see this more than slightly, embarrassing side to him.

Tamaki pulled Kyoya into a kiss, "I love you, Kyoya. I love you, but… in such a prime location like this, we don't' get to play around a place like this every day. All night, you'll do as I say."

It was these words that Tamaki spoke to him, which sent that familiar cold chill down his spine. The rush of emotions, adrenaline at what was going to happen turned him on more than anything. Kyoya held complete trust in Tamaki, so even if this place made him slightly apprehensive in his mind he knew his lover wouldn't let things get too far out of hand. A key principle that the current patient, Kaoru, had yet to learn.


	8. Unable to Run, Unable to Hide

**Title**: No One Taught Us This...  
**Chapter 8**:Unable to Run, Unable to Hide

**Author**: Harper Hisoka  
**Warning**: Shonen Ai, twincest (brotherly love), some BDSM. I don't own the series (manga or anime).

**Series**: Ouran High School Host Club  
**Pairing**: HikaruxKaoru, Hikaru+Haruhi, MorixHunny

**Summary**: The Hitachiin brothers have always put on an 'act' since childhood - more so now that they work in the Host Club. It had been needed to survive the ever present bordem and get along in 'their world'. But... when that small world opens up, what happens to their 'act'? Can this unusual-bond, unique to the twins really continue past the Host Club doors of Ouran High School and into the real world which lies beyond?

* * *

"Kyoya?" Kaoru asked softly. Not only was he not completely awake yet, but he still felt like shit. He didn't quite remember what happened, but knowing his line of work he really didn't need to guess.

"Are you okay? Kaoru." He smiled at the younger man, not something he would normally do but he wasn't afraid to show emotions towards friends when it counted. "Don't try to think too hard, okay? That guy left you in pretty bad shape. What happened? He's not one of our customers, last time I checked. He has an interesting police record; I wouldn't trust him to even come near our place."

Coughing slightly, a side effect from the cold he happened to catch while under a high fever, managed to smile at Kyoya. "I'm glad you found me, I'm… sorry I made you go through all that trouble to do so, though. I mean, I'm surprised that you found me at all, I didn't tell anyone where I was going…"

Overexertion from talking too much causing a string of coughing, which lead Kyoya to soothingly pet Kaoru's hair, "Shh. Don't worry about that now, Tamaki has everything under control, okay? Go back to sleep, you still have that fever."

"Kyo… ya. I'm so sorry I worried you and Tamaki…" Kaoru's words grew quieter as he drifted into sleep, but Kyoya knew perfectly well what he meant. The ringing of his cell phone snapped him out of his trance, back to the present; it was Tamaki calling from work. This time, it was just a check up call as Tamaki left early that morning because of a busy schedule he couldn't abandon. Just by hearing his lovers voice made him miss the man already, not that he would ever say that out loud. Towards the end of the mixed business and personal call, Tamaki because silent yet Kyoya didn't need words to know what he wanted this time. "I'm sorry to leave you like that, Kyo-kun. You know I didn't want to come in today but-"

"I know, I know. Don't worry so much, okay? I promise I'm fine." He gave a small sigh, "You can make it up to me later. Dinner. You pay – and don't use the company as an excuse this time to get a free meal." That had hit the bull's eye, since Tamaki only laughed it off, with a promise he wouldn't. Not that Kyoya particular believed him this time, but the man did have a history of what looked like reckless behavior. Though, Kyoya had to admit, everything he did (almost) had benefited the company in some way which lead to the inevitable; just give up trying to dissuade Tamaki from something once his mind is set.

"If Kaoru wants anything, call to let me know, okay?" Tamaki's voice held an undertone of worry under his professional speech. A habit he picked up at work, since it helped to talk professionally with certain people rather than his usual casual approach. "I get off this evening; I'll stop by the hospital first on my way home."

xxx

Hot, sweaty and out of breath, an uncomfortable feeling while lying under the thick blankets of a bed. Slowly, Hikaru managed to drag himself out of bed, not even taking a second to glace back at the person that had been sleeping next to him. Ever since his brother disappeared, his personal life seemed to have taken a turn for the worst, in becoming trapped in a dangerous game with Haruhi and himself. He didn't love her, and at this point he didn't even care for her – yet, he understood her as well. They were in similar situations and because of that they naturally drew closer to one another. Friends who have occasional sex, in between affairs, dating and socializing it all seemed to become a habit. Both of them had given up on loving one another years ago, having resigned themselves to life filled with loneliness and unbearable pain.

The water felt good as it washed away everything he had collected during the day. Yet at the moment, he felt numb. Hikaru couldn't tell if the water was hot or cold and his lightheaded sensation that washed over him didn't help either. The accumulation of pushing himself to the edge between work, sex and drinking was starting to get to him. Yet none of this was new or unfamiliar territory. This always happened to Hikaru in phases and if it hadn't been for Tamaki and Kyoya, he might have landed himself in the hospital emergency room a dozen times over. Lately he had been ignoring their calls and requests for outings, which could only mean that sooner or later they would come knocking to his door and force him to relive life and discover its 'wonders'. At the present moment, he wasn't quiet looking forward to it, not that he ever did in the first place.

The Dream – Kaoru Hitachiin

It's a dream I have often, as of late. I don't know why it started all of a sudden, but my memories have been coming back to me since I joined Tamaki's brothel a year ago. At first, I didn't think anything of him but time passed, and I remembered we used to know each other in high school. Kyoya, his partner I still don't remember much about him – other than his quiet but stern nature. Though he does show kindness for me, when I need it and that's something I appreciate especially coming from a guy like him. The only thing that I remembered when I first met Tamaki, even without knowing who he was, there was always a rule that I had my employers abide by when they paid for me. "If I have a brother, and he comes looking for me, I don't exist anymore. I'll do anything you want, just don't let my brother find me."

This brother, I can't recall his face but even now he is the only thing constantly on my mind. Who is he, what does he look like, why am I avoiding him – all these questions I know I need to run away from, I keep wondering about. My past was forgotten long ago, since I started this business, when I sold my soul just too desperately run away from something important. Something I don't want to face.

My nightmares started when my employers found out that bondage and SM play turns me on more than usual, more than it should. They say I have masochistic tendencies but I call it punishment and accept whatever they give me. The things they do, it burns into my mind and my thoughts every time. Until the point where I can no longer tell which of those ugly old men is my partner.

Waking dreams, I look at their face and I can't see it clearly; maybe it's because I don't want to, or maybe my eyesight has degenerated whatever the case, who I'm with no longer matters. I need to run, I want to run I have to get away from those memories that are seeping back into my mind.

I trust Tamaki whole heartedly, because of a blind trust that I don't fully understand.

Am I awake now? Or am I dreaming? The darkness is something I'm used to, I like to be blindfolded. I think I'm in the hospital, the reason? I can still feel the pain of that time. It's so extreme, so painful that even when I had fainted I woke up later in ever greater pain. He didn't care what I was doing; awake or asleep he continued his sadistic game. This guy has no rules, no concept of respect for his partner. Rules, boundaries, signals or pleading with a desperate voice; usually they know enough to push my limits only so far, to the point of being uncomfortable they hold back. This isn't the first time, but it's been a while since I've felt pain this excruciating and intolerable.

I woke up once, and Kyoya held my hand tightly before soothing me back to sleep. I thought it would be okay if Kyoya were here, but now I have a familiar voice hounding me at night, in my dreams. It says "I love you," sometimes the words are demands, similar to my SM play but I don't feel any malice or hatred to it. I can't resist that voice, I want to know more about why I feel so warm just thinking about it. Yet, I hesitate and whether it's related to my brother or not, I really can't tell.

I know one thing for sure – if I ever remember whose voice that belongs too, my resolve will break down completely and I'll go running into those arms. If he is my brother, what I've been doing will be for nothing yet I don't think I can stop my body when I see that man again.

Reality – In the Hospital

"You know, don't you?" Kaoru asked softly.

"You're awake?" Kyoya replied, another smile gracing his face. "What do I know?"

"The voice in my head, in my memories that says 'I love you' to me. The man who says that, you know him, don't you?" Repeating his previous statement, he turned to look at the man sitting next to the bed. He wore the normal white button up shirt and dress pants, probably the closest he would come to a casual look – unless he just didn't have the time to go home and change.

Kyoya didn't show surprise at Kaoru's question, but he did remain silent for a while. He wasn't sure how to respond to his friends' question, since he wasn't an expert on how to deal with patients and memory loss. Deciding not to divulge too much information, he responded back, "Yes. Tamaki and I know about your past, up until seven years ago anyways. Not that we have to guess what you've been up to since then. What's wrong, did you remember something?"

"Hmm…." Kaoru replied. "Maybe…"

xxx

"If I could meet him one more time, please, Kyoya, help me! Let me meet that man." Even now, Kaoru's pleading voice rang over and over again in Kyoya's mind. The day after Kaoru finally broke the fever, the hospital had released him to go home. Currently he was staying with Tamaki and him in their huge three bedroom apartment towards the center of the high-class area of the business district. It had a prime view of the local park and zoo, which covered many city blocks on all sides. Similar to New York's Central Park, if anything.

"He'll be your customer, is that okay Kaoru? We can put on your blindfold if you don't want to see his face just yet." Tamaki sighed, "It's the best I can do without a direct confrontation. You said you didn't want to just go up and talk to the guy."

"I know, but… This may be my last chance to see him. My eyes are getting worse, so – even if he doesn't know me, I want to see him at least once." Kaoru seemed to have a tone of acceptance in his voice, which only served to make Tamaki feel worse for his friend.

Finally, Tamaki gave in. "All right, we'll bring him here. You're room is set up for that kind of stuff anyways – and it's not like we don't know him. He… is our close friend too, especially in high school. Though we didn't know him as well as you did." The last part was left vague on purpose, in which even if Kaoru tried to ask him about it later, Tamaki would refused to listen at all on the topic.

Evening seemed to come sooner than expected, since Kaoru found himself to be watching the time in anticipation. "You're double sure about this?" Kyoya asked Kaoru one last time as he fastened Kaoru's arms tightly behind his back with leather arm restraints. The soft click heard in the room locked the two restraints together, forcing Kaoru to keep his arms straight and behind him. He sat naked in the middle of the room, showing off his two nipple piercings and a pure gold ring slipped tightly on his erect member. Kaoru did enquire why he had to be kept from cumming the entire day, but Kyoya only answered the same thing each time, "The man you want to see, he request it." Without any explanation as to why, it left Kaoru sighing yet also nervous with anticipation.

Alone in the room, everything around him was blurry. He could see objects if they were right in front of his face, but sometimes even that was difficult to focus on. Some time ago, he had contracted a strange eye disease which, because it went untreated for too long, had irreversible effects. The slow degradation of his sight, unless he had a new cornea transplant, he would eventually go blind. He had to thank a particular past customer with an eye fetish for this one.

The creaking of the door jarred his thoughts back to the present. He didn't need drugs to be extremely sensitive. The ring he was wearing caused him to feel it enough as it was. The man looked to be roughly his size, though he couldn't be sure since he was positioned kneeling on the floor.

"Branding is in bad tasted, but… I won't let you run away from me again." Kaoru recognized this voice, but even now he couldn't remember why. His head hurt ever time he did try to think about it and the impatience he was starting to feel over the entire issue was seriously bugging him.

The man's body smelled familiar in the back of his mind, his fingers warmed Kaoru's skin where the touched. "I'm really sorry," the man said as he wrapped his arms around the smooth, naked shoulders. "But don't worry, because I won't leave you alone again. Kaoru."

The moment he heard the stranger speak his name, a splicing red hot pain coursed though his body, originating from between his legs. A rubber gag was immediately placed I his mouth as the continuous, heighten pain threaded to overtake him completely. A pause, the pain still throbbing but the heat wasn't there like before. Suddenly he arms were free.

"I love you, Kaoru." The man spoke with his heart, and Kaoru couldn't feel any malice or spit in it. As he wrapped his arms around the man, a close embrace was return in gesture. "I really, really do love you."


End file.
